Meet Mercedes And Her Roots

Nosy Neighbor. 0:12

My guest this episode is the lovely exotic dancer and digital curator and Mercedes. Mercedes, thank you for joining us today.

Mercedes 0:21

Thank you for having me.

Nosy Neighbor. 0:23

Tell us a little bit about yourself. Where are you from? You're you're clearly have a little bit of an accent there. So tell us a little bit about yourself.

Mercedes 0:31

Yeah, so this is an interesting uh question because I get asked that all the time, especially at work where I'm from. Normally customers have to work a little harder to get that answer out of me. But since I'm here on your podcast today, I will tell you for free that I'm from Hungary. I grew up there and I moved to the US in 2018. So I have been here for about eight years now.

Nosy Neighbor. 0:56

Oh wow.

What Drew Her To Dancing

Nosy Neighbor. 0:56

And so when you moved here, what got you into dancing?

Mercedes 1:01

I have always been interested in erotica. I could say always, because I got fascinated by erotic scenes in movies since I was nine or ten and magazines. And I don't know, like strip clubs uh always were exciting for me. Like always when I saw like a sign, like for a strip club, even in Hungary, I kind of wanted to go in, it was interesting. And uh, but I didn't get into this profession first. First, I uh studied finance, I got a degree in, and I worked in the field uh between 2009 and 14 in Hungary, and then I realized that I don't want to do like a nine to five anymore, I need to travel, I want to express myself, so I turned into an exotic dancer in 2014. And then I started in Europe first. Uh I lived in Spain for a year in 2016, and I came here in 2018. And since I came here, basically, most of for most of most of the time I worked as a dancer.

Nosy Neighbor. 2:11

So,

First Stage Moments And Confidence

Nosy Neighbor. 2:11

what was that like? I mean, it's it's one thing when you talk to a dancer that's been doing it a while, she's fully used to it. But that first time where you're up on a stage and you start having to take your clothes off, what was that emotionally like? Or was it exhilarating? Was it nervousness?

Mercedes 2:30

Okay, so there was a graduality for that because first time when I got on a stage uh with a poll, actually, I wasn't a pole dancer, it was my 27th birthday, and we went to a strip club, and we just had fun, and I started to dance with another dancer on pole. In Hungary, you can do this, you're not. And then um I uh went to Italy. Uh, first I didn't start as a dancer, I started in in Italy. When you work in adult entertainment clubs, there are more like hostess clubs there, not uh strip clubs. But there was one hostess club which had a poll on it, and some girls were doing shows. Some of them showed boobs, some of them didn't. I didn't. Uh but at least I went on a uh poll and danced. And then uh the first time when I showed boobs was in Austria, in my very first place, where I lasted one day, and then I went to another club. I was kind of scouting for clubs for a week, and the fourth club were out, so yeah. So that was a graduality in me getting not naked but topless first.

Nosy Neighbor. 3:47

And what was that like to finally show your boobs off? Was that exhilarating for you?

Mercedes 3:53

Nothing, uh, it wasn't that surprising or strange, more like the first lap dance was a little bit strange because I forgot to actually strip off for my first lap dance, and the manager told me that oh, you forgot to show your boobs or anything. Oh, and I oh, I didn't know I was so excited about giving the lab dance that I forgot to strip off. So that was more interesting in that way. Showing boobs on stage. I mean, probably there were like two people in the club, and I before that I did some modeling, uh, a few months before that, uh, nude and topless modeling. So it wasn't that strange for me because of that.

Europe Vs US Money And Freedom

Nosy Neighbor. 4:35

And was it like, I mean, exact dancer in the US? We have our our image of you know, a lot of the strip clubs are very same and familiar, but you've been an exact dancer in several different countries. Is there a big difference going from country to country, or are they all relatively, you know, at the core the same?

Mercedes 4:58

I feel that uh maybe it's so many layers to that. Yes, there are differences. So the main difference uh is that in Europe, typically there is a guarantee that we get paid at least in worst case scenario, 25 euros if nothing happens. Mostly I would say 50 between 40 to 60 euros, but that's for the whole shift, not per hour. But the percentages are worse than in the US because uh from uh lab dances we get 50. Uh, we also sell champagnes separately, and we get two. I saw everything. I saw 15%, I saw 20%, 25%, 30%, but never more than 30%. Uh but these percentages, what we see in the US, like minimum 50, which is the worst case scenario, but sometimes even 80%, that's in the US, not in Europe. That in the US you don't get paid. However, I think I never made as much money as consistently in Europe in the places that I tried, uh, than driver right now in the US. So uh, but I would say as the payment structure is very different, you have to stay for the full shift. So you cannot say, oh, I'm you know I'm an independent contractor, I can come and go as I pleased. So that's a major difference. I would say, in that sense, the US is more free, but um uh I don't know, rules-wise, I feel there are more rules here also. Here in the US, you have to tip out the staff. You're supposed to tip out the staff. Uh, at the end of the shift in Europe, you don't do that. I never heard of that tipping thing before I came here. So in Europe it's different.

Misconceptions And What The Job Is

Nosy Neighbor. 6:45

And when you bring up that you're an exotic dancer, what are some of like the biggest misconceptions that people have that you constantly have to address or inform them that they're they're thinking is a little bit off? Is there one thing in particular that people automatically assume that you have to correct them on?

Mercedes 7:06

Oh, it's a lot of things. Let's mention three that might be. So we oh, uh, a lot of them. So this is uh just the same job as any other job, like in terms of that this is a job as well. So the people, even if we like kind of have this uh stamina about us that we're sexy, obviously we show up, we're friendly, but it's still a serving service uh that we provide. So when the service ends, then it's another big person's term. So so there is no after party or going to water room or going outside. This is this is uh an entertainment service for the club or by the club when they come uh uh to the club. So a lot of misconceptions are that oh, we're gonna go out, what we do after this, we just want to party and we never want to sleep. We don't care about our family, we don't go home for our dogs. All we want to do is just entertain for $500, the same person in the hotel room and never sleep. So that's a misconception. And then also, I think some misconceptions that we're worriing, that we're trying to like uh, I don't know, scam people and just scam the most money out of possible. Obviously, uh it could be like the case for a lot of dancers that they made early that for money. My reason besides the money was also to express my sexual stamina. Uh, but we also like to give a lot. A lot of uh us dancers are givers and we care about our customers. So that's the number two, and the number three is uh that we make a lot of money. Sometimes we pay out $100 and we don't make any money back. So I would say these are the three.

Nosy Neighbor. 9:04

And you said before that the reason you did this is to kind of explore your your own sexual expression. Is that something that you found you're able to do, or is there something that you're longing to do a little bit more of? Like, did was that goal of yours achieved when you started dancing?

Mercedes 9:24

Yeah, so a little bit in a different way because actually when I started, started, I was more interested in the on the entertainment or in the entertainment side of that. I remember when I started and I was still in my office job in Hungary in 2014. I remember making phone calls and I just wanted to get into like cabaret and burlesque dancing. So I was more interested in the entertainment side of it at that point when I started. But when I saw, when I came to the US, I saw that burlesque and cabaret dancers don't make as much as except if you did have fontes. Uh then um I just kind of stick with exotic dancing. What I love about exotic dancing is that you have the chance or you have the uh opportunity to provide entertainment, to be very good at stage. I love music as well, and also to express femininity and sexuality as much as the rules allow that, of course, in the VIP rooms or lab dance rooms too, but more in the VIPs. Same.

House Fees Tip Outs And Club Rules

Nosy Neighbor. 10:35

You mentioned a little bit about tipping out and stuff like that. Can you walk us through a little bit about what it is to become a stripper at a club? You know, the is there are house fees? You mentioned the tipping out. You're an independent contractor, I would assume, in many ways. How does how does all that work? What are kind of the rules that you sign up for? What does the the club have kind of on you? And and what do you owe the club? How does that that dynamic all work?

Mercedes 11:07

Okay, so typically there are there are a few things that most of the case is the same in every club, but there is gonna be differences. I worked in clubs, so typically there is a house fee uh that could be anywhere from ten dollars to the hundreds. I never by the way, I never worked at any club where the house fee was higher than 60 bucks, but that's just me. But it could be there are clubs that where you even pay like a hundred bucks or even 200, which is outrageous uh to just work there. So there is a house fee that you just only pay for the house just to that you showed up and work. That's correct. And most of the case there is a house fee. Also, there are clubs that allow you that if you get there before a certain time, you don't have to pay house fee. I also worked in clubs like that. I never worked in clubs that charge like over 60 bucks for a house fee, uh, but there are. And then uh besides that, you also uh there was also uh a percentage or a fee after dances that VIP that the club takes from the total price. So let's say there is a $25 lab dance. Typically, except some exceptions, club takes five dollars of that, you get $20. And then there are VIPs where clubs can take most of the case anything between, I don't know, 45% to 20%. So between 20 to 45. So it depends on the club, but there is a fee that they take from that, and you typically tip out. I prefer clubs where they don't like hunt you down for tipping out when you didn't make any money, but there are clubs where you have to tip the DJ when you want $10, even if you didn't make money. There are clubs like that. So yeah, the DJ, the in some cases the managers as well, but not everywhere. That the DJ bouncers, yes.

Customer Etiquette And Tipping Basics

Nosy Neighbor. 13:14

What about from the customer perspective? What do the customers, you know, the guys coming in? What do they usually get wrong or assume that you have to correct them? What is that kind of customer dancer relationship like?

Mercedes 13:28

Uh tipping-wise or in general, tipping-wise, but also behavior and respect to the woman. Oh, it's so many layers to it. Like, so there are different spaces in the club. There are there is the stage, there is the bar, and then there is the in-between. Typically, when they sit at the bar, buy drinks, they tip the bartender. But but that's like a common like bar thing. So that's not strip club related stuff. Definitely, when they come in, I would not go. In general, I would not go if I was a customer gentleman. I don't know, I would not go to a strip club without cash. It's better to get cash uh before they go to the club because if they want to use the ATM, if the ATM is working in the club, it's gonna be a 10%, it could be a 10% fee on that. So it's cheaper to get cash before they come to the club. And I would advise anybody who wants to come to the club to get cash. Cash is king. So if they approach the stage in the club and sit down by the stage, tipping the dancer is a must. Even if they don't like the dancer who they're watching from and they're waiting for the next dancer and just sitting there, no. You must leave the stage if you don't tip the dancer. That's an etiquette thing if you sit by the stage. Even if it's three dollars, something is better than nothing. But uh, yeah, so that's one thing. Also, if they sit by the bar but just but uh very uh actively watching dancers on the stage, it's still nice to tip the dancers, even that if they don't sit by the stage because they're at the club and dancers provide entertainment on the stage. So tipping the dancers, even if it's a few bucks, that's always better than nothing, even if they don't directly sit by the stage. But if they directly sit by the stage, it's a must to tip. Even if it sounds weird, it is what it is, because the bancers, if it's a good club, the bancer is going to go up to the customer, make sure to tip the dancers if they don't. And then there are the dances and VIPs, which have a price. And since we need to give a cut from that, it's good, it's very nice to tip the dancer after dances and VIPs as well. Typically a minimum 20% is good, but if it's 10% or whatever, I don't know, it's still better than nothing. But again, it depends on the city and the club if tipping has a culture after the CR service or not. Uh so uh some states and some cities, some clubs are very, very big on tipping, and if you don't give like hundreds of tipping, you are weird. And then some clubs, like even if you tip a few dollars, you can be locked. So I don't know. It depends on the club as well. But typically, definitely the mass thing, if you sit by the stage, tipping is a must.

Nosy Neighbor. 16:37

Now, do you get like regulars, the guys that come in that maybe don't follow all those rules because they they come in every week? They I don't want to say relationships are formed, but kind of a business relationship is formed by people that come in regularly, whether it's you know, some old lonely guy or you know, it doesn't have to be rich, but are those relationships cultured in any way that you have people like, oh, here's you know John again, and you treat him a little bit different just because he is the regular?

Mercedes 17:12

Uh yes, and especially at this club. So actually in both clubs that I work, uh, I work a club, um, a club in Idaho right now, and I also have a club in close to Phoenix, and both of them have a heavy regular base. Uh, and yes, that absolutely could be the case with those regulars that they have a strong business or they know the owner. There's one older guy who's a little bit sick, he comes in almost every day. The club that I'm working right now is a very good childhood friend with the owner. Obviously, I'm not gonna go up to him for tips. But he's, I don't know, sitting there. But for the most part, like this is a general thing. Uh, that's what we like that they do. But that guy, those regulars, they don't typically, they don't tip me, they don't come to my stage. There's a string there, wait for their dancers or wait for their friend. Uh, there are things like that. Yes, there are exceptions. And I'm not, I don't necessarily say that I like it, but even the most part of the regulars, there are certain dancers who they tip and they wouldn't sit down for a dancer who they don't want to tip by the stage. I hope my English is not so weird.

Building A Digital Brand From Club Life

Nosy Neighbor. 18:33

No, you're good. No, you made a digital pivot and started doing digital creations, and how has that changed your perspective? I mean, you got into the adult dancing to explore your kind of own sexuality. How is this digital pivot uh a part of that?

Mercedes 18:52

Okay, so when it comes to content creation, a couple of years ago, this Instagram that I'm using right now, and there was another album which was bigger, but now that kind of went down, that was mostly for OnlyFans. I had an OnlyFans page, and I did similar OnlyFans stuff as a lot of creators, like providing adult content. It didn't end up being very good for me. And uh this strip club commentary type of thing came out of the idea that I did better financially in clubs than on OnlyFans. And I was thinking, okay, how I can make a brand from this in a way that is aligned with me, and I'm not gonna feel bored in that. And that's why I was thinking, okay, I there are a lot of hours when there are no customers for me, and I don't know what the hell to do in the club, so I'm just gonna record myself and let's see what videos I can create. And um those types of videos when I use the ambient of the club, like the music of the club, the footage from the club, and I post like uh etiquette stuff, dancer customer dynamic stuff, uh club stuff, those did very well. Uh views-wise, so I just decided okay, maybe I'm commenting on things instead of doing the usual OnlyFans stuff. So this is how this idea of the digital my of my idea of things digitally uh established. So yes.

Her Dream Club And Better Standards

Nosy Neighbor. 20:34

Now let's say you were to win the lottery and open up your own strip club. Is there like one big change that you would do that you think strip clubs are missing that are needed? Is there something that uh that's missing there?

Mercedes 20:50

Okay, sorry to body and I'm just to your question, but it's just like I've been thinking about this question actually on my own. I don't know if it was like an actual strip club I would open, it would be an entertainment club. I was actually thinking about that. I was thinking about an idea uh for a long time to open a studio because I also I didn't mention it to you, but I have a fitness and uh exercise instruction background as well. So I have been having this idea of opening an establishment that is a studio during the day and a club during the night, and that's what I was thinking of. But if I was gonna open that and it would operate uh as a strip club like uh establishment during the night, I would change many things. I would not so if I get a house fee or if I take a house free uh from a dancer to work at a club, I would probably take a minimal fee from VIPs, but I wouldn't take five dollars or any money from a single lap dance. Uh that's one thing. Some clubs don't take uh money from uh lab dances. There are some clubs that let the dancers To keep all the money from the lab dancers, not from the VIPs, and I like that. I would keep that idea. I also uh tipping would not be necessary only if someone actually does the work for it. I would not make the tipping compulsory for the staff just because they are exists. I would uh make it very, very uh like a recommended thing if they do the work actually for the dancer. But I've I don't know, cutting someone out mid-conversation dancer by another dancer. No, I don't stand for that. So uh these things I would change like the politics in general, just to make sure that it's a workable environment because I do believe strip clubs can be like that, but they have the reputation of not being like that because there is like fights there, drama there, whatever, but it can work as an establishment. This is a legal establishment, it should be able to work like that. So these things I would change. That's not good.

Dating As A Dancer With Boundaries

Nosy Neighbor. 23:16

Nice. Now you are an incredibly beautiful woman. Thank uh tripping has a lot of stigma to it, even though you're not doing anything illegal. What is it like navigating dating and romantic relationships while being open about the work that you do?

Mercedes 23:35

Oh, I had just an interesting story in the last week about that. I think I'm gonna heal by talking about it a little bit. So, okay, so in general, I'm on these dating apps, I don't really use them because it's very time consuming. A lot of the times you like swipe left to right based on look. And the people who I actually there was one guy uh who actually came to the club. It was a recent story. We had a very strong chemistry. I would never swipe right on that ride uh on a dating app, but he like caught me way more than guys who came on in the strip club and I would swipe right on them anytime. So that's why I I'm not so big on online apps. Plus, if I was gonna tell what I do work, there is some kind of change in the relationship dynamic, will be, even if they tell me that oh, I'm accepting that I understand this is just a work for you. They either uh they don't really know a lot of the times what to do with it unless they know this type of uh establishments. So they either get can get irritated by it, but that's less the case, or they're very excited about it, but then they kind of come with, oh, I don't have an expectation, or they change a little bit in a weird way. Uh once we uh start seeing each other more, and I feel that maybe the sexual side becomes more interesting for them. Nah, I don't know how much me as a person. And then if they come to the club and they get to know me in the club and they want to date me, that's the hardest situation because uh uh then they're gonna have this fantasy about me that I'm a dancer and they kind of want to keep that fantasy alive once we are out of the club, but not pay for that. So that's a that's a very big issue that I run into when I met someone in the club, and there was a possibility of dating because that was chemistry. The outside of club, I think on dating gaps it's hard because once my profession comes up, there is some kind of weird thing in the dynamics, unless it's a very like open-minded person who saw a lot and just very open-minded in general. And uh customer relationship, that's a hard one. So maybe what I could say, and I think that's the could be the best way. I'm just not really doing that because I don't have the time, I work a lot, but I think what could be the best way when it comes to dating if that dancer develops another career or hobby or interest and does another thing and then meets the potential person that way.

Nosy Neighbor. 26:33

And is that I mean, I don't want to assume too much, but is that something that you just have to accept as a dancer? Does it get lonely knowing that that's kind of the guard that you have to put up for yourself to protect yourself? Or is it just something that you accept?

Mercedes 26:52

Yes, yes. I'm just gonna like, can I say a story? Because that's gonna show every a lot of like answers to your question. Uh, so there was a guy who came in the club where I'm working now in the summer. There was some kind of chemistry. He gave his number. I was a little bit scared, but when I came back to town, I contacted him. And since I didn't know him, I just invited him back to the club uh to meet him. And when I came back to the club, he was like very drunk, acted out very weird, and I was so disappointed that oh my god, this was the guy who I saw a month ago and was so grounded. But he like felt very bad and he wanted to shine his better colors. So he came back to the club. We had a very huge chemistry, like I didn't have anyone with any of the guys. I was definitely interested in dating with him, but this conversation came up between us that uh we that's probably not gonna be not gonna be able to maintain a customer dancer relationship in the club and meet outside at the same time, same time because it's gonna blur things. So, what we did, we set up a public date just to get to know each other, and then we were missing each other. And then uh he contacted me whether I'm in the club. And since I was missing him, I said, Yes, I'm in the club. I didn't specifically invite him, but I just thought him, yes, I'm in the club. He came into the club, he saw me that I was in the VIP, and then he paid $400 to another dancer to hang out with the other dancer while acting super weird about it. Like looking at me, watching me. It was obvious that he kind of wanted to come back at me because I wasn't available. And then there was a huge, like kind of a scene from that. So I just wanted to share that that this can happen. Uh, I'm not saying that this is the normal thing that can happen, but this type of thing can happen if the two people don't know each other that much, if it's not an established uh personal relationship before. Um and it's like very hard, I think, to maintain a personal relationship with someone who was a customer first, but then keep kind of he wants to keep coming back to the club, spending money on other dancers, it's weird. I I would not recommend that, especially in my case. I can be pretty intense and I can have a temper, so for me it would not work. So after this situation, we haven't talked anymore with this guy, so this was a recent situation.

Nosy Neighbor. 29:37

Um yeah, so dancing and being an exotic dancer comes with a lot of stigma, a lot of judgment. A lot of guys assume a lot of things about you that may or may not be true. But I have to wonder does being a dancer and seeing the men that come in, does that create your own stigma about men? Do you have you changed how you see men, given the men that come into the club and assume it kind of almost to any men?

Mercedes 30:10

Yes, sometimes just so much uh yes, uh it definitely, I'm gonna be honest, it didn't change it into a good way very much. I had had some experiences which I can actually write a whole entire book about with men, even before I started dancing. But dancing definitely let me see those uh sides of a man that but these are certain that not not every man we're talking about, but a lot of men who come to the club. I saw most of the times a side of them that I wouldn't want to see feed from a person who I potentially want to date with. Absolutely.

Nosy Neighbor. 30:58

And do you see, I mean, is there a future where you see yourself in a relationship, or is that just something, a sacrifice you you have to make while being a dancer that that you have to accept regardless of liking it or not?

Mercedes 31:13

Probably yes, I definitely I think it might that it might don't read that way in my case, because uh I'm very heavily a dancer now, and I have my certain values and boundaries, and I may come across more that way, but I definitely relationship, uh a full fulfilling relationship with a guy who I'm extremely attracted to, and we can share a life together is a very big thing for me. Yes, it's absolutely something that I would like. But that's the other question. Will uh strip club environment help uh regarding that matter? Not so much, but definitely, I mean, I cannot leave stripping at the moment as a main thing, not at the moment, but in the near future, I'm planning to have less emphasis when it comes to my income from stripping than other stuff, but that's a work, that's a process. Uh, but yeah, definitely having a fulfilling relationship, it's a very important thing for me. Yes.

Changing Stigma And What Comes Next

Nosy Neighbor. 32:25

And how does it, I mean, it's almost unfair, but also understandable. Is it, I mean, you're not doing anything illegal, it's regulated. Most of the clubs that you're at, I would assume, are heavily regulated. You're not engaging in sex with any of these people. So, how do we change the stigma? How do we change some of that to make it a little bit easier to say, you know, this is a job for you? I mean, you like you said, this is this is work, this isn't, you know, a fun fantasy, this is your job. Is do you see kind of that perception changing over time, or is this just affect the life of being a stripper that this these kind of stigmas are always gonna stick with you?

Mercedes 33:08

I think there's some changes needed in the industry for that too. I think the industry changes a lot because I hear from other dancers that it's harder now than it used to be. People know what this is about, and they don't, and it's yeah, it's not not as easy as it was like 20 years ago. I mind you, I didn't dance 20 years ago, but I heard that, so there might be a change in uh transforming the industry a little bit. It's definitely more also with the fact that more dancers or more women uh stepped into the industry and became dancers. Maybe it's become more common with that, but there is still a misconception about that. And I didn't uh mention that you asked what are people's misconception about dancers. A lot of people think that uh that dancers are prostitutes, basically. No, that's not the case. So we dare to provide entertainment and fun without sexual activities, and I don't have anything against that. Anyone can do with their body whatever they want, but that's not dancing. Dancing is not prostitution, so that's a very important misconception I didn't touch base on. But since a lot of people think that that is the same, that also could be part why uh there is a stigma around that. I think it's probably not as taboo as it was 20 and 30 years ago since more people entered the industry. But if it's gonna change, probably somehow because it has been changed. I'm kind of trying to change it with this commentary what I'm doing. So people see that dancers are same normal people from all walks of life as any other person.

Nosy Neighbor. 35:03

Well said, and that's kind of one of the things that we're trying to do with this podcast is show the people behind the sexuality and the stigma, whether it's working in a brothel or you know, stripping or you know, being on OnlyFans. And so that's why I appreciate women like you coming on and sharing your story, where it's not just you know talking about you know adult stuff, it's talking about you as the person, wrapping things up. I just have one question what's the future hold for you? What do you see as far as your content creation? You talked about you know not dancing forever, but what do you see as kind of the next evolution of the industry for you?

Mercedes 35:44

I do a few things. So related to adult entertainment, I want to continue with Mercedes Trip and the commentary, and I just set up a Patreon as well by myself, and which is gonna be under the name Mercedes After Hours, when I'm gonna talk more about uh this stuff of uh club culture, uh dating from dancer perspective, dancer customer dynamic, uh etiquette, blah blah blah. So I want to have that. I want to educate more people on that. So that's related to the adult entertainment. I want to work less in clubs because it's physically training. So uh, but yes, so this commentary is one thing, and I'm also thinking of an on an other personal brand for later on that's more uh NTL teaching sensual than exercise movement because I do have a background from that and aging a little bit, but that's mostly for women, not for men.

Nosy Neighbor. 36:52

Well, Mercedes, thank you so much for coming on. It's been a pleasure talking to you.

Mercedes 36:57

Thank you so much. I really it was great being here and talking about this.