Nosy Neighbor. : 0:25

My guest this episode is a talented vixen named Christina. She's been in the swinging lifestyle since she was in her early 20s and now married and they're in the lifestyle. Christina, thank you for joining us today.

Christina: 0:37

Thank you for having me.

Nosy Neighbor. : 0:39

You're a vixen. What does that mean to you?

Christina: 0:42

For me and my husband, it takes us in a subset or more defined area of the swimming community. I myself am straight, so is my husband. We prefer to normally play with just single males. We on occasion, though, absolutely play with other couples, do full swap, sometimes soft swap, but we always play in the same room. The vixen for me is somebody who identifies as somebody who likes to play with more male partners. And for my husband, he likes to see me get pleasured by men. So that's what we call ourselves is the vixen stag dynamic within the lifestyle.

Nosy Neighbor. : 1:23

And that's one of the things that I've I've learned in doing this is a lot of people think that swinging is tit for tat. That if I am with a woman, then my partner needs to be with a man. If she's doing this, they need to do that. And what I think it's missed upon is that it's really come down to communication, that you need to find out what your partner wants, and your partner needs to find out what you want, and then find that match because that's going to make things a lot more comfortable. And then you're saying in your case, your husband enjoys watching more than necessarily participating with another woman, and so his enjoyment comes from watching you, correct?

Christina: 2:09

Correct. I would say it would be kind of like a 85-15 split, like 85% of the time, we are pretty content being him and I and having an additional one or two extra males join us. But at the same time, I could never deny him any attraction or play with another female. So there have been multiple occasions where we have come across couples that we are both very into, and we decide that we want to do a essentially full swap where he is with the female partner and I'm with the male partner. It's typically done in the same bed, but always in the same room.

Nosy Neighbor. : 2:58

Now, you've been in the lifestyle since your early 20s, is what I understand. Tell us a little bit about what got you started in that. What kind of has that light bulb go on and say this is something I'm interested in?

Christina: 3:14

It's an interesting start for me and my husband. We've known each other for 30 years. So we dated in high school during that time, split off, and he began to have other relationships, and so do I. In that timeframe in my early 20s, you know, it was all about it was the early 2000s. It was all about having fun exploring. So I had was dating a gentleman who introduced me into the lifestyle, and it was more of the traditional full SWAT, what you would say almost the tit for tat. I didn't really have a full understanding, being in my early 20s, really what that meant. Again, communication really wasn't important in that relationship. And like most people in their 20s, you guys, we just do whatever feels good and what sounds good at the time and kind of just goes forward. Unfortunately, that relationship didn't make it, not because of the sling, but just because, in general, a lot of relationships don't make it. Then me and my husband now kind of got back together a couple years later, and he knew of my previous experience. We've always been very open sexually with each other. And he would ask me questions throughout the years, like to get a little bit more information. I always thought it was um just his general curiosity. Sometimes I thought maybe it was a little bit of a jealousy. And then about year five of our marriage, he kind of opened up and said, Hey, listen, all these stories I asked you about is because it's a real big turn-on to hear you with other people and how they pleasured you and how that made you feel, and the number of orgasms that you had, and you know, all of those things. I've always wanted to do something like that, but I didn't know how open you were because he knew that again, the experience my early 2020s was not healthy and a more understanding aspect of the lifestyle. So for a long time, it became a quite sure how to talking thing. We would include the talking about other partners and the idea of what another man would do to me within our sex life before we even took that first step in engaging for an additional play partner.

Nosy Neighbor. : 5:45

And what year was this around, just out of curiosity?

Christina: 5:49

Oh, uh probably around 20, in between 2010 and 2012 is when he came to me and told me that this is really what he was into. Okay. At that time, we didn't even have a name for it. So when we were first online looking, it was very much geared toward a cockhold situation, which is a lot more degrading, kind of being mean or degrading towards the male partner. And that's not what we were into. That's not what he was into. So we didn't even have a name for it back then. And going on to websites like Adult Friends Finder, you didn't really have those labels or identities to even search under. So it was very at the beginning stages of internet sex and adult friend finder, and trying to do this outside of which historically has been like facts of magazines at the adult bookstore or things like that that you did in the in the 90s and very early, early 2000s before the web became so standardized.

Nosy Neighbor. : 7:03

The reason I ask it is it seems just in my casual observation, that in the last probably 10 years, I mean, swinging has been around for for ages, but it seems like the last 10 years we've really seen a shift of men wanting to show off their wives to other men. And men have always bragged about their wives and stuff like that. But things like websites like Flickr, where people are just posting pictures of their wives, they're not doing it for money, they're just saying, This is my wife, she's gorgeous, here she is naked. Uh, it seems to be a lot more common among men uh the last 10 years. So I was just curious of when he started doing that. When you heard that he enjoys watching more, is that was that easy for you? Was that hard for you? Because I think naturally or instinctively we we we cling to that tit for tat thing that we kind of talked about where you know I'm doing this, but my husband is watching. He says he likes it, but he's not getting anything. Was that easy for you to accept, or was there kind of like, I feel kind of odd, even though he's saying I should do this, but yet he's how is he getting fulfilled? Was there any doubt in your mind?

Christina: 8:22

Oh, a hundred percent at the very beginning. Um, again, my only experience up until that point wasn't a super healthy one, it was very much a tit for tat. It very much was, I will tell you, that partner really wanted to kind of be with other people. I was a way to be into the lifestyle then. Um as a partnership, it's easier for couples to get in, um, get into parties, get into clubs, get into all of these areas rather than, as you know, a single man. It's extremely hard for single men to get into this lifestyle, into these spaces, especially, into the spaces. So I was essentially used in my early 20s to bypass the single male experience to get into that sweet spot into those safe spaces. With my husband, I did initially think, oh, this is just him wanting to sleep around with other women. I thought this would be a relive of what had happened in my 20s. I very openly expressed that to him. And he said, nope, this is not what it is, I guarantee you. And the best way for us, after talking about it for so long, knowing that it's something that we can do, and this is says what he is into, we tested the theory and we met our first play partner on Adult Friend Finder. And it was one of those things, either it's going to go the way he says it is, and he does not need that other female attention on him, or this is just going to prove that he does need that other partner with him. So it was like, we're just gonna jump in and kind of see what it does to our relationship and if it truly is what it truly is. That's the mindset I took. Unbeknownst to me at the time, though, this is something that he has been part of his sexual desires long before we were together sexually. So this was not something specifically focused on me, but just part of his general sexuality and what turns him on. But it does amplify when he's with a partner that he does find attractive, that he can trust, that he can be open with, and that communication is strong enough that we can work through other fantasies that we may have as we go through the lifestyle through the years.

Nosy Neighbor. : 11:00

Would you describe him more voyeuristic, or is it the idea that I am with a beautiful woman that I have the power and the mindset to share and watch? And that to me turns me on because I know that she's gonna go home to me.

Christina: 11:17

I think it may be a little bit of all of that. He definitely does have a voyeuristic tendencies at the club here that we host at, you know, we we have an opportunity to watch other couples, and it can be very hot and it can be a turn-on and it can get things going. We also like to, since we've been part of the community, especially over the last few years, taken on a little bit more of an exhibition side of it. So we like to have sex sometimes in front of people, maybe not out on the open floor, maybe in a room with kind of sheer curtains and just to be seen if we're not really open to playing with anybody else that evening. There is, I'm sure, a little bit of hey, this is my wife, this is my partner, you know, she's sexy, she's beautiful, you know. I'm so proud of her, but I also like to share her. But a lot of it, from my understanding, is he likes to see my pleasure. So it's not so much about him or his ego, it's more he gets off by my getting off. He wants to make sure that I'm having a good time, that I'm having multiple orgasms, that I make the certain faces that he likes. You know what I mean? He likes that. And it's a connection thing for him and I. So when we play with additional partners, he's part of it. He's not just on the sidelines, he's an active, integrated role in the play because this is part of our sex life. It's not just something I'm doing or something he's doing. So there's eye contact, there's kissing, there's touching, there's he's absolutely a hundred percent involved in making these wonderful moments happen.

Nosy Neighbor. : 13:03

To dumb it down to the lay people or the people that might not fully understand that, given the time of season that we're in, the holidays, what you're saying is it's essentially like giving someone a gift and watching them open it, knowing that that gift might not be anything that you care about, but seeing the person that you give it to, watching their expression, watching how they react to something that you you know gave them or allowed them to have, and feeling that joy, that's kind of what you you're doing on a sexual element.

Christina: 13:37

Absolutely.

Nosy Neighbor. : 13:38

Not only are you swingers, but you've taken it to another level and you do some some club work. Tell us a little bit about what got you started in that.

Christina: 13:49

Well, again, we've been in the lifestyle, I would say, for quite quite a few years, almost 15 years. And we started, it was very much, you know, in the closet, dark alley, nobody talks. We did it online, meeting through apps and such like that. So it was really kind of a secret. It was it was a secret. It wasn't something that we could only talk about with people around us. We aren't out to our family or our coworkers. And then about three years ago, we came across a local club here in Omaha, Nebraska called Forbidden Omaha. And we decided that it would be great instead of being secret about this amazing part of our life, that maybe we could find other people or a community that we could be open with. It's not about having sex with everybody and anybody for us, it's about being able to be truly authentic to who we are. And this is part of it. This this is a part of our sex life, is a part of us. It's an integral part of our day-to-day lives. We were lucky enough to apply to Forbidden. There's a background check to make sure that everybody's safe. And we went to our first party just before Halloween. And it was the most intense thing we had ever been a part of up until that space. We had been to topless pools, we have been to different, not so nice clubs like the Green Door in Las Vegas and such, but this was a completely different experience. We walk in, people were just friendly and nice and dressing in costumes and starting to undress, and there were people having sex on the main floor on a bed. There were people giving blowjobs in a glory hole. There were people making out on the floor. It was just, it was a whole different, a whole different vibe, something where we have been closeted for the most part up until this point to now seeing things you only seen essentially on pornos in your in right in front of you. Um, and it took us probably about three or four months of consistently coming to the club a couple of times a month before we were even comfortable enough to play with just ourselves in the club. So that's how it started. From there, it just continued to progress. We were able to experiment with other fantasies and try other things that we may not have ever had the opportunity or even thought to try, like a little bit of BDSM, some spanking, some Shibari with being tied up, all of these things that I don't think the normal person in an average marriage has the thought to even try. But being in a space with all of these different people, with all of these different kinks and likes and partners and thoughts and feelings, you're able to see things and experience things you normally wouldn't be in the normal space to do so. So from there, we just became part of more Facebook groups that were lifestyle geared, started meeting more and more people in the community, doing different meet and greets. And we were lucky enough to be approached by the owner of the club who saw, I guess, something in my husband and I, in the way we interacted with the people, either at the club and also at the meet and greets and the other events that are done here in Omaha, and asked if we would be interested in being admins. So for myself, I post our weekly events on our Facebook page for our club members and letting them know what the themes are coming up in the future week. Um, when it's big events like Halloween and of course New Year's, we'd like to get a little advanced warning out to all of our people sooner rather than later, so that people can, you know, buy the special outfits that they may want to wear at the club. And then we also occasionally open and close, meaning we're here to make sure that people are coming in, our members have tickets purchased for the event, that they stay safe in the event that there are no issues with um consent or anything with violence or just making sure that people have everything that they may need to have a fantastic time while they're here.

Nosy Neighbor. : 19:02

Now, usually you hear about like hotel takeovers where a group of people will you know book you know six or seven rooms, stuff like that. When you have you have a it sounds like a physical concrete building that is dedicated to the lifestyle, how has that been received by the community? How has that been you know viewed upon by the neighbors and stuff like that? Is it pretty well accepted? Is it do you still feel like you're living in the shadows, even though you have a big sign, you know?

Christina: 19:35

Well, there's not like a giant sign saying this is a sex club come and play. It's it's still very secretive. So it's not like everybody is completely out in the open. But I will say there's another club in Des Moines, and there's some clubs and spaces in Kansas City, but for the Midwest, this is really the only closest thing for a couple hundred miles for a lot of people that they could come and experience anything like that. It isn't a business park, so we don't have to be quite so hidden. I know that there are different clubs that are kind of like in not so great neighborhoods in certain cities or doesn't look quite so safe. We're lucky enough to be in a space that's in a business district, so everybody's pretty much gone by the time a Saturday night bowl. Around there's not very many additional traffic. So there's that. I think it's it can be again for new people, it can be overwhelming. I think for a lot of people who have children, even if they can only get away once a month or every other month, it allows them to meet other potential partners that are also members of the club and come in and have a good time. They don't have to have the added expense of a hotel room or all of these other different scenarios. So and it allows you to again also grow socially with just the other people locally. But we have people from South Dakota, from all over Nebraska, from Iowa. We've I've I think we've met some people from Texas, even some people from Florida that come up. Um, we have people that move away from Nebraska, but are still part of our Facebook groups or our Telegram groups. And then once they're in town, they they still maintain their membership and come and join the club when they're in town just to have a little. We had quite a few people this holiday season that were in town visiting family and decided to seek away one Saturday night to the club to let loose and reconnect with friends that they haven't seen in a minute.

Nosy Neighbor. : 21:51

So and what is the the age range or the the common age range of the people that attend this club?

Christina: 22:00

Yeah, I've seen people as young as probably mid to late 20s up to probably this their 60s. I would say the average, so is in between the the 40s and the 50s, is probably the largest demographic that has a tendency to come here. But we've seen we've seen anybody from 25 to I think there was one gentleman that was almost 70 here at one time. Him and his partner were dating and they were newly in the lifestyle together as that both their partners had passed away. So again, you get a huge variety of people and a huge variety of things that people are into that maybe you're not into, but you can see things. We have people that are in polyamorous relationships that attend this club. Um, we have thruples, we have lesbian couples and gay couples, bi couples. We have, I mean, across all platforms, our members here. So it's a very much an open and loving community that we have.

Nosy Neighbor. : 23:09

And how do you kind of traffic control everything like that? Because you talked about having like the lesbian couple. Well, they probably don't want the guy hitting on them. So how do you kind of steer them into one room, or is there different rooms where one is a theme, like lesbians? Is it how does that work? And we talked earlier about how there's different kinds of styles in the lifestyle. You're a vixen, you know, does your husband have anything to do? Is he kind of the oddball guy being in the corner watching because that's what he enjoys? How is that all received and how does he kind of fit in when there's so much uh visually going on, stimulating wise? Does he kind of feel left out in the corner, or how does that all work?

Christina: 23:59

Um no, we again we very much play together. So we're always going to be in the same room. We can pick out partners together. There may be somebody that he was like, oh, again, he knows what I like, he knows what turns me on, what I prefer as far as look and build. So he will he will keep an eye out and be like, hey, this guy, you know, he looks really hung, or hey, he looks like he has a body type that you would really like, or hey, you know, whatever. You might want to go talk to him. He also is a little bit of a wingman. He will totally say, Hey, they're checking you out, or he's checking you out, or you know, I mean, very social. The majority, I mean, when you talk about is there a lesbian room, is there a buy room? No. The the setup here is a little bit different. There's one side of the building that's a very much open space. So we have a little bit uh a BYOB, so we have a little bar area where you can make your own drinks. We have seating, we have a pool table, we have a little photo room, we have leather and velvet sofas and chairs. So it's more of an area to just talk and hang out and get to know people. And that's really what it comes down to. So if you see two women come in, couples can approach, single people can approach, and they can just be honest and say, hey, you know, you look good, or I'm very interested. What's your dynamic? Are you guys into having men join? Are you only looking for women? It's a conversation between them individually. We don't try and police anybody's sexual experience. We just make sure that everybody is just safe. That's the majority of what we do here. The rooms on the other side, they are, I think, one, two, three, four, five bedroom areas. Each one of them, four of the bedroom areas have single beds, and the last area has two mattresses. So it's meant for more of group play. The the double beds typically play more to the orgy situation, but each room is really divided by heavy curtains. So it's not hard doors, um, but we do have the closed door policy, meaning if the curtains are completely drawn, we treat it as a closed door and you must ask to enter. If the curtains are open, that's an invitation for people to look or enter, but you have to get expressive permission to touch or to join in the play. So we help monitor that transactional things going on just to make sure everybody feels safe and everybody's following the consent rules. But as far as matching up dynamics, that's really up to the individual people that are here. And it's really easy. People are very open and letting you know hey, we're a lesbian couple, we're only looking for another female, or yeah, maybe we're looking to have a guy join tight or whatever the case may be. But my husband is always part of it. He's never on the outside looking in. We we host together, we engage with people together, we wingman, I guess, a little bit for each other, he more than I, only because of our dynamic type. But there have been plenty of occasions when we're like, hey, that couple's hot. Are you interested? Yeah, I'm interested. Are you interested? Yeah, okay, then let's go for it. And then we go over there and have a conversation and see where things go.

Nosy Neighbor. : 27:29

You've been doing this for many years now. Let's say I am in a relationship, it's a healthy relationship, lots of communication. Uh, this is something that we're excited and trying. We're looking at getting into swinging. Is something like your club a good first step? Or should they dabble maybe on a little bit more personal level with another couple, get used to it? Because it sounds like unwill unwillingly, there's an uh a big intimidation factor. I mean, you walk into something like this, it's you're walking to the Super Bowl of swinging. This isn't, you know, start a little league swinging, get to learn how to the ropes and learn how to talk to people and get permission and stuff like that. You're coming through these doors, it's the big leagues for for all intensive purposes. Is that too overwhelming for a new couple? Should they meet with you know, meet one-on-one with someone? Because one of the things that I've found is the idea of swinging is very kind of romanticized. Um, lots of guys get excited about the idea of watching their wives with another woman until the guy starts talking about wow, your wife has beautiful breasts, and stuff like that all of a sudden becomes real because they're not used to hearing someone talking about their wife's breasts. So, how is going to that club? Is that too much of a first step? Is that how do you view it?

Christina: 28:56

I think it's very dependent, I think, on the couple themselves. If I were to say to any like new new person, I would always start out and say, find a local Facebook group. They're out there. See if you can't go to a couple of meet and greets, meet people first, see, you know, have the conversations. Hey, what brought you into this lifestyle? How long have you been in the lifestyle? I will say for me, um, we have played with newbies. It it can be very challenging for more experienced people in the lifestyle to play with new people in the lifestyle. Again, communication is huge. Understanding your boundaries, your partner's boundaries, and your play partners' boundaries is probably the biggest key. With new people, there are so many unknowns that sometimes coming to the club and seeing things that you haven't seen may allow you to open up to have a conversation about, hey, I saw this, I'm interested in that, or hey, I've seen this, I don't think I'd be comfortable with you doing that to another person. It's just because what you don't know, you don't know, right? And sometimes if you see it, even if you're not experiencing it, and it can be a little bit overwhelming, it at least gives you opening to ideas and to thoughts and and to experiences that you otherwise would not have thought of.

Nosy Neighbor. : 30:29

Basically, the moral of the story is communication. Uh, this has to be something that you and your partner, and I think I guess that applies to anything in a relationship or a marriage, the more that you can communicate with something, the better off it's going to be. And I think the other key is the realizing that it's not tit for tat to be able to communicate what you want. Something as simple as going out to dinner. Yeah, you may tolerate going out for burgers every once in a while, but maybe you want a steak. And so being able to communicate that, you know, I'm not up for this tonight. This is what you know I'm kind of craving, to be able to have that kind of dialogue. Do you find that a lot of marriages have that? Is there something unique about the swinging community that allows that that people that communicate better also find themselves? I mean, I don't want to put a direct correlation to communication and swinging, but do you find that the people that communicate better make better swingers?

Christina: 31:39

Absolutely. I will tell you from our perspective, again, we have transitioned from where we first started out on Adult Friend Finder with our first play partner to now is completely a hundred different worlds. And we have altered our boundaries throughout the years to fit that. Not to say that fundamentally things have changed, they haven't. But as we've transitioned on, we've talked about me playing more of an active role of doing something that's called hot whiting, meaning I play independently with a single male when he's not there. But he would like the idea of me coming home and telling him the story, maybe sharing a couple of photos of my experiences with him. That's all coming through that communication. If you don't have the communication, it's very easy to slip into your own head on what's going on or what's not going on or what they're doing or not doing. And it can cause major rifts within your relationship. So the communication has to be the most integral part of the swinging community to the extent that after every time we leave the club that next day, or after every time we've had an encounter with a playmate, we always take a Sunday with me and my husband. We go for a walk and we have like almost a debrief per se, saying this is the highlight that I thought was really great about this night. This is the kind of what I think could have gone better. I was feeling triggered in a positive way this way, or I was feeling triggered in a negative way this way. And we both need to have understood up until this point that what we're doing is we're communicating our thoughts and our feelings, and it's not an attack on either one of us. So if he comes to me and says, Hey, I seen you were fleeting flirting with so-and-so, and I felt like he got a little too handsy, or I felt like you were getting a little too intimate with him, or something like that. I know it's not an attack on me, it's just how he was feeling in the moment. And then we can have that communication, like, okay, if you are feeling triggered in the moment, I'd prefer as your partner, you to come up in that moment to tell me rather than wait till the next day, where I can't solve and make you feel more an integral part or I'm doing something that's triggering me that I didn't know. So if you don't have communication, you're destined to fail. Because everybody is in their own head, everybody has their own perception, even if you're in the same space, everybody sees a little bit something different. So if you don't have that communication, I don't see how you can last long term in the lifestyle, but also understanding that it doesn't have to be all the time for everybody. Everybody can take a step back, focus on your family, focus on your marriage, focus on work. There's other things that come in and out of your life, and this can't be everything. But when you're talking about your partner, communication has to be the number one thing that you both agree and work on. And it is work, it's work to be able to be vulnerable enough to tell your partner things that sometimes we don't even like to admit to ourselves.

Nosy Neighbor. : 35:11

Oh, well said. I think it helps too that your husband is open to things so that when he does express the concern, knowing how willing this he's been other times, I think that is kind of a helpful red flag to you that it's not jealousy suddenly popping up. If he sees something that makes him uncomfortable, it really is him being uncomfortable because the other times he has been comfortable and he hasn't said anything. So it's one of those things where because of the communication, you can go, wow, this really impacted him. I can't be doing this element of it. So going directly to you, you're a beautiful woman, you're at this club. What are you looking for?

Christina: 35:55

The main goal is always just to have as many orgasms as I can. That's that's pretty pretty much it. I I am straight. I have made out with women. I have heard the term, you know, you're straight until you're wet, like pasta. I don't really believe that. I think um I can be female friendly, but I have no urges to be with women or have women be with me. So for me, it's very much either a full swap or adding on additional male play partners to our sex life as it as it stands.

Nosy Neighbor. : 36:34

Are you looking for younger men? Are you looking for you know the cute 20-year-olds? Are you looking for men more mature? What are you drawn to?

Christina: 36:43

So age isn't a huge factor for me, except for I really I have made the decision personally to not go anything younger than 25. That's just my choice, just because I also have children that are closer getting to that age. So for me as a female, it just isn't for me. I've played with a couple of 30-year-olds, that that's ideal. I have played with people as old as almost 60, and that's okay. For me, it's more about a vibe. I do have, and I think most people do kind of have a type, and for me, I I do have a type. I my husband is very much aware of my type, which is historically darker men, Hispanic. We like to call them cocoa colored. And over the years, I have learned that I am a bit of a size queen. Not that I can't have play partners who are smaller, but if at all possible, I would prefer somebody with minimum seven inches, ideally.

Nosy Neighbor. : 37:55

So I go to the club and let's say I'm your perfect type or what you're looking for, how is the best way for a guy to approach you?

Christina: 38:05

I would love it if he would approach me and my husband equally. Again, they're they're they would be included if if everything went perfectly. They're asking to be included in our sex life. So if they're asking to be included in our sex life and our partnership, then I would expect him to give my partner equal respect and knowing that we are allowing them into our space. So for me, it's always been the men who's approached my husband and you know said, Hey, my name's Tom. You know, you are, and then he shakes his hand and introduces, and my husband has the opportunity to say, Hi, Tom, this is my beautiful wife, Christina. How are you this evening? And that's pretty much ideally, if it's in the club setting, how we would like it to go.

Nosy Neighbor. : 38:56

How much has porn influenced the swinging community? I mean, if you look up swinging and porn, you know, a lot of it is just rough play. You don't see the kind of varying elements of the swinging group. You see kind of the more rough or orgy style environments. Uh, you see a lot of degrading talk, you know, of how they view the women and talk like that. How much of that spills over? I'm sure there's women that like to be talked to like that, but how much positive or negative does porn have to what people assume happen to what really happens in a place like yours?

Christina: 39:38

I think I think porn, and whether you're talking about the lifestyle spaces or even monogamous spaces, heterosexual sex, gay or lesbian sex, it porn is not a reality. I think that needs to be understood in the very beginning, no matter what space you're talking about, right? It's never an accurate representation of what sex is. Sex in porn typically is the best angles, certain shots, the noises are made not necessarily authentically. They may be, but we all know that most of the time they're not. It's more, it's more for the watcher than it is for the people actually participating in the porn. So if you come to the understanding that when you're Watching porn, it's geared towards you, the watcher, the voyeur. And it's not necessarily going to happen that way, whether it's regular sex with your standard partner or in a lifestyle setting. It's just it is what it is. It's very much a show. You know what I mean? It's it's getting the best of the best, and it's for the perfect shots, it's not for the pleasure. And that's the way I think most people need to look at it. And young people, I think, have a hard time understanding that. And when you come into a space like this and you're able to see two people or four people or six people on a bed going at it, making the noises, having sex, enjoying themselves, it doesn't look like that perfect orgy on the porno video, right? Because it's actual people and they're in the moment and they're enjoying themselves and they're being taken over by the feelings and emotions and desires that they're experiencing at the moment. So I think equally porn just has an obscure view of what sex can be in general, not specifically just with lifestyle relief.

Nosy Neighbor. : 41:41

Well said. First, I want to thank you for coming on. It's been fascinating to hear your story. Well, the last question I have for you is what is to someone listening to this, and this is opening up a whole new world. What is some of the biggest misnomers that newbies or someone that's curious about the lifestyle comes to you and asks that you're like, really? You're asking that?

Christina: 42:07

I I would never one, I would never shame anybody for asking any questions because what you don't know, you don't know. And and for me, no question is a stupid question when you come to the lifestyle, especially for new people. You never know what you don't know. I will say the biggest misnomer I would say is just because you're in the lifestyle doesn't mean that you're having sex with everybody or that everybody's gonna have sex with you. It's still very much finding people you connect with, finding people that you have a vibe with, finding people you have a chemistry with. And again, like I said, when you're when you get around a larger group of people with different desires and different dynamics, you know, you're not always going to find that perfect connection every single time. So just be aware that if somebody says, hey, I'm a vixen, or hey, I'm a hot wife, or hey, I'm a bisexual woman that's single in the lifestyle, that's not an automatic, oh, well, let's just go over here and just have sex and and and do whatever we're gonna do. It that's that's the probably the biggest misconception, I would say, is just because we're in the lifestyle or anybody is in the lifestyle doesn't mean that they're it's a free-for-all.

Nosy Neighbor. : 43:30

Just simplify it again, dumbing it down to the casual listener. The lifestyle is a big puzzle, and it's a matter of finding the piece that fits to your piece. And you may go around not finding that right piece, doesn't mean you're you're not part of the lifestyle, it just means that you haven't connected with the right part that that connects with your piece, and you need to find your little section of the corners or your little section of you know the color that you're in, and find your little group. You know, if you're making a puzzle of the ocean, you're you might be part of the ocean, so you're looking for those pieces that have the kind of similar blue that fit to you, and just because you don't fit in other places does not mean that you're not welcome in the lifestyle, that you're not part of a lifestyle, but you need to find your own little group, find the pieces that match yours and fit the most, and then really it comes down to communication. Communication is the number one thing that I've seen in the lifestyle that the more you can communicate, the more you can be honest, the more that you don't necessarily follow everyone else, that you can say, Well, this is what I'm interested in. I might not be looking to screw around, I might not be, I might just be looking to to watch and take it all in. Um, that communication is gonna help define your success, and so I think that's important to the people that wonder how your marriage is. I don't want to get too personal, but how has this enhanced your marriage?

Christina: 45:03

So we will in October celebrate 20 years marriage. So again, don't know many people nowadays that are married even that long in general, and he is my first husband. So, again, another not typical thing, even when we're talking about general. We feel extremely grateful. Um and again, it's we're grateful in in multiple respects. One that his kink aligns with my kink, right? Again, it's one of those, like you said, puzzle pieces. We in millions of people, right, were able to connect with each other on a level of friendship, and we dated and we got married and then had a normal sex life. And for his kink then to be okay with me, and for my kink to align with his kink is almost like winning the lottery. It doesn't always happen for everybody, so it's allowed us to take our marriage into a much deeper side than I think most people can get to, especially in the monogamous realm. Because believe it or not, to find that person that aligns with you even sexually is hard. I would say, even in monogamous relationships, you have people who may have a kink fetish for feet or for bondage, and their partner may not be aligned with that at all. What the community can do for them is explore those kinks, even though their partner isn't into that, but maybe allow their partner to explore other kinks that maybe they weren't aware of. So for us, we we generally end up like having sex on a Saturday morning looking at each other, being like, I don't think anybody else on our block is having sex like this at 8 a.m. on a Saturday morning talking about multiple partners that we're gonna go play with at the club tonight. So we identify that we're blessed in many areas to be able to get to this point in our marriage.

Nosy Neighbor. : 47:23

Well said. Well, Christina, thank you so much for coming on. Your story has been enlightening. I've talked to other swingers, but no one had the the kind of experience that you're talking about, and everyone's story is different. Just because you know your swinging story fits one mold, it doesn't mean that there's others out there, and so that's why I try to get kind of a diverse group of people out there to to explain this and appreciate you coming on.